Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
