I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
