Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
