I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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