i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
