Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
