you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
