After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
