Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
