Umm I'm too high to move.
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
