Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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