Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I had to cum in my sink.
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