I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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