shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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