i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I need to sanitize my soul.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
