How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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