If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
