I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
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