I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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