The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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