Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I'm really busy with my period
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