So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
