I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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