i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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