She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I deserve this hangover.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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