sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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