The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
