dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize
