You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
