Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
