im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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