She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
