Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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