I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
