just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
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