Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I think a kid would responsible me up
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
