my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
