My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
