her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
smell my finger.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
