dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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