I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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