Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
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