omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
