Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
He called his prostate his "boner button".
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
