Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Randomize
