Umm I'm too high to move.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
