After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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