You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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