I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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