It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize