Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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