Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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