Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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