if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
