based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
