I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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