I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
