I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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