Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
His hands were made for my vagina.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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