broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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