I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Randomize
