I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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