I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
