Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I supernannyed him into submission
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
