our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
