The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
