Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
